Ever wondered how to annoy a pregnant woman? It’s actually not as hard as you may think!
Here are seven great ways to get the blood pumping, even more than usual, in any expectant mum.
Hormones, heat, tiredness, nausea not to mention the extra weight. Pregnant women can handle it all right? Here are several ways you can test that theory.
How to tick off a pregnant lady
1. Tell her your birth story
Every. Single. Gory. Detail. Pregnant women love to be thinking about your birth when they’re focusing on their own. And who wouldn’t want to hear about how your tore, were cut and have never been the same since!
2. Mention her size
If she’s looking big make sure you tell her. Ask if she’s having twins – triplets even! Another option to get the ‘wow you’re massive’ message across is to be shocked when she tells you how much longer she has to go.
Maybe tell her that she’s only going to get bigger and to check the due date with her obstetrician. If she doesn’t have an OB ask her why not and suggest she find a good one.
If she looks small, ask her where her baby is hiding and tell her that you know someone who is a lot bigger at the same stage. She might become paranoid by these comments, that’s not your problem. It’s probably the hormones.
3. Tell her to enjoy all the sleep she can get now
Chances are she’s not getting much now anyway so why not rub salt into the wounds. Remind her sleep will be a thing of the past once the bundle of ‘joy’ appears.
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Also tell her that most parents don’t go out once they have kids, oh, and that she’ll probably be housebound for many, many years.
4. Tell her what she should and shouldn’t be doing
There’s not enough information on the internet these days so any bystander who has tips on diet and routine will be MOST welcome. #insertsarcasticfont
She’s growing a baby and it’s your duty to inform her of what she should and shouldn’t be doing. Looks of disapproval, shaking your head will give her a good indication she’s doing things you wouldn’t do.
5. Flippantly ask if her pregnancy was an accident
This will work well even if you don’t know her. It’s worth her knowing that you think her age, stage or circumstance could be better timed than it is.
If she tells you what she’s having, give her a look of sympathy. And then ask her if she’s disappointed that she isn’t having the opposite to what she’s having.
If she assures you she’s happy then be sure to tell her there’s still a chance she might get a surprise at the other ‘end’. And then make her laugh by saying, “The other end, get it?” Hilarious.
7. Touch, pat or stroke her belly
And don’t be put off if you don’t know her. This is a minor detail. She should appreciate such friendly strangers approaching her and taking such an interest in her bulge.
You could even put your face right up to her belly button and talk loudly to the baby. If the baby doesn’t move in response to your voice then tell her that she might want to talk to her doctor about that.
Any mother should expect these reactions from strangers/ distant relatives/ colleagues and the like. It just might be another reason why they call it ‘expecting’.
And if she’s offended by any of the above tell her being uptight is just another pregnancy symptom. She will LOVE that #tongueincheek